Things I Want to Do (But I'm Scared!)
Bucket list but anxiety edition!
this thursday, i’m doing something i never thought i would ever do. i’m going to the movies…… alone……
i know! not that crazy! but sometimes doing things alone sounds scarier than it really is. there are some things that are easy to do alone, like grocery shopping, going to Taco Bell, those things i actually enjoy doing by myself. but for some reason, as much as i LOVE going to the movies, it’s always been something i felt like i could never do by myself.
my number 1 movie buddy is my dad. we see pretty much every movie together. but he lives over an hour away from me so sometimes when i want to see something he can’t always come with me, and i end up missing out on some movies i want to see on the big screen. as i inch closer and closer to 22, i feel like now’s a great time to open myself up to the idea of solo movies.
my sweet friends at A24 gave me a free ticket to see their new film Civil War this week, so there was no way i was saying no to that. i figured it would be the perfect time to challenge myself. to finally force myself to get into that theater and enjoy my time BY MYSELF! i tried to do this when Priscilla came out, but of course i chickened out and waited until it was on digital. but if you know me, you know i will do anything if it’s free. i am forcing myself to get in my car and drive to that theater and enjoy my own company!
i find that a lot of the time i catch myself relying on other people to do the things i want to do. like if my friends are busy then i end up doing nothing to avoid doing things alone. but i’m an adult now! i don’t have to wait around for other people when it’s something i can just do on my own time!
that being said, i was inspired to make a list of things i’d like to do alone but have been too scared to do, because maybe if i can conquer my solo-movie fear, it will give me the courage to do more things i’ve been afraid of! because an anxiety diagnosis doesn’t have to stop me! so i present to you… my anxiety bucket list!
go on walks
i spend way too much time sitting on my butt. but obviously, i am a girl. so going on walks alone is actually a pretty valid fear. but i love going on walks in cities or on random trails with my friends, so doing it by myself (IN THE DAY TIME!!!!!!!) is something that i’d love to be able to do.
go on a road trip
this is something that has been a dream of mine. i love long car rides and visiting new places. but new places alone is a little spooky to me. there are so many places i want to go, but planning a road trip around people is DIFFICULT, so why not just get in the car and drive somewhere by myself?
go out to eat
i know people have their own thoughts about people who go out to eat alone, but i see nothing weird about it (so it’s awesome that i’m still scared to do it). i want to go out for breakfast or something without worrying that i look like a lonely freak! it’s just food!
go to a flea market
i’ve noticed when i run errands by myself that i have trouble looking around when i shop. if i go out with a list, i’m sticking to the list and running out of the store when i’m done. my anxiety gives me crazy tunnel vision so i have never really been able to just relax and mosey around. flea markets are magical places that i think would be so fun to explore alone, so one day i will face my fear and do it!
go to the beach
i LOVE the beach. it’s one of my favorite places (second only to a movie theater) but the thought of sitting on a beach by myself makes me sweaty. but i want to change that! i would love to just sit on a blanket, read a book, knit something, eat a snack, i don’t know, whatever people do at beaches. not swimming though, i have a phobia of the ocean. that fear isn’t going anywhere any time soon.
i realize that these are all very mundane things. that’s why anxiety is so cool and awesome, because things that in theory are not at all scary seem like the scariest things in the world. but i’ve found in my life that if i just make myself do it, it feels easier every time. so i’m holding myself accountable, and hopefully by this time next year i’ll have done at least a few of these things! we are not letting anxiety hold us back any more!
well, there you have it! if you read this far, you are magic and perfect and wonderful! consider subscribing so you never miss when i feel like rambling on the internet!
